Top Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses For Stealing Direct TV
10. For some reason, cable guy is afraid to come to the house
9. Spends a lot of time watching television now that it's too hot to go out and kill people
8. Wanted to see where he ranked on Court TV's 100 Creepiest Acquitted Murderers
7. Figured "real killers" might show up on one of them great premium movie channels
6. It was a rare lapse in judgement
5. Believe it or not, he's had a bit of trouble landing a job
4. "Hey, any publicity is good publicity, am I right?"
3. Cable's been out since he stabbed his television
2. Since when is stealing against the law?!
1. It's not like he killed anyone