Sorry if this offends anyone but football season is upon us and this is just fair warning lol. . .Since the football countdown is under two weeks, I guess it's time to mention the pre-college football season warnings. None of these are meant to be a personal attack, but each of you have been warned.
1. I will NOT attend ANYTHING past noon on Saturdays unless you have NCAA football on a television.
1a: Television must be a minimum of 46" diagonal with a minimum resolution of 1080p. Events broadcast in HD will take priority over those that do not.
1b. Events with Alabama football take priority over all other events, regardless of TV size and definition.
1c. Events with SEC football will take priority over all other events except 1b.
2. I will be high strung, loud, and obnoxious if you are around me while Alabama is playing. Things may/may not be thrown. If any of your belongings are damaged I will repair/replace them, but I will not care until after the post-game analysis.
3. I will wear crimson Friday and Saturday. *No exceptions*
4. If you somehow coerce me into attending an event by having all of the prerequisites listed in (1) above, be aware that I will sing Sweet Home Alabama wherever I am and every time it is played.
4a. In the event that Sweet Home Alabama begins during a prayer, I will patiently wait until the prayer is complete before picking up the song. After all, Ezekial 20:29 says, "Whereunto the high place to which ye go...it is called Bamah to this day"
5. Weddings are for other times of year. It's not my fault you are starting your married life proving to everyone you are a horrible planner. I won't be there but I will wish you the best of luck as soon as the game is over.
5b. *As soon as the game and the post game show are over*
6. In the event that we are watching a game together, and you are not an Alabama fan, you will not cheer against Alabama and I will not cheer against your crappy team. This rule can be confusing to some, but it is explained by saying that you can make positive statements for your team while not making negative cheers against Alabama
Example for (6) above: "We need a turnover. Come on (insert your team's name here), get the ball back. We need an interception. This statement is fine.
"Bama's quarterback whichever that might be will fumble or throw an interception soon. He sucks." This statement will not be fine, and could result in injury.
Thanks for understanding everyone.
Roll Tide!