I took this out of another longer post of mine that's buried away over in the programing forum because it contains some very important, shocking, and completely made-up information pertaining to an alternative theory concerning the dreaded microstutter events. I believe that the information contained within is so vital and so important that everyone should read this post and maybe even should consider sending it to a congressmen. Not to your congressman and certainly not in a manner in which it could eventually be traced back to you but to some congressman somewhere. I want each and everyone of you to know that I share this with you out of duty and obligation to provide all my fellow humans the fruit of the magnificent and frankly awe-inspiring mental capacities granted to me by providence. Oh, and because I'm kinda conceited, proud, vain and a overly amused with my stupid little handiwork
(cut out lots of other stuff that's interesting and important and very worthy to be read but just not right here and right now)
I'm really skeptical about it though - even more skeptical about it than I am about all the microstutters on all the Voom channels although I guess now it's been confirmed that the microstutters do exist since that guy posted that email he got from Wilt the Voom guy who said the issue is solved in the latest beta of the firmware. Well, happen might be the better word to use than exist because I don't want to deal with all the implications that "exist" implies. Although, I was thinking about this the other day, not because I was trying to find a way to prove that I was really right about the fact the microstutters didn't exist...sorry...about the fact that they didn't happen... maybe occur is even better....about the fact that the microstutters weren't really occurring....no happen was better...about the fact that the so-called microstutters weren't really happening. It had more to do with the fact that it was just inconceivable that I could possibly be wrong about the idea that so-called quote unquote microstutters were really just some manifestation of, for lack of better term, display anxiety that some guys with high end video equipment kinda manifest. You know what I'm talking about, the video poobahs who see things that the human eye wasn't really meant to see but somehow they do. Probably some sort of genetic thing - you know kinda like the Xmen genetic mutation but not actually cool like the XMen genetic mutation because were talking about the ability to see, by eyesight, that a TV display is set 7 degrees kelvin too warm and stuff like that which isn't anything to sneeze at, I guess but when compared to Wolverine who is cool because he can eviscerate his enemies with cool razor sharp Titanium claws and stuff like that it kinda pales in comparison. I'm not trying to dis the eyesight thing, you know. It's not that it's bad or wrong or anything. I'm just saying, if it was a matter of choice where someone said that you could chose from one of two genetic mutations where the first choice is eyesight to tell a stuck pixel from 20 yards and the second choice is razor sharp Titanium claws we all know which one everyone would choose. That's all I'm saying. Anyway, what I finally realized was that maybe Wilt the Voom guy is just saying that the newest firmware will take care of this problem of the so-called microstutters. Do you get where I'm going here? Do you? See, maybe the Voom guys don't believe in the so-called quote unquote microstutters either. None of them see the so-called quote unquote squint real hard and stand and one leg and you can see 'em microstutters. But all of these people - well, "all of these" is kinda much isn't it? I mean 30 or 40 people posting on an Internet discussion board where it's well know that all the most obsessively picky video poobahs congregate to dissect, pixel by pixel, the performance, perceived performance, of their preferred satellite provider's pictures, well, anyway, you can see the point I'm trying to make, or maybe, just maybe, it's the conspiracy I'm trying to expose...wait...stop for a second and let your mind around that idea, just let it soak in good and deep...the conspiracy, THE CONSPIRACY i tell ya, the conspiracy I'm uncovering like I'm Woodward and Bernstein all rolled into one so that I've become Bernwerd is that maybe the Voom guys have made a calculated decision that even though they, the Voom guys, think the so-called quote unquote run out and stare at the sun for a minute and then come back and squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter issue is simply the figment of the overly active imaginative imagination of a small group of picky and persnickety video poobahs. And the Voom guys, being clever Voom guys and all, decided to go along with the mass madness of the hallucinatory few and they say that the so-called quote unquote run outside and stare at the sun for a minute come back in get some salt rub it into your eyes squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter issues do exist. In fact, we've already fixed 'em in the next firmware. Then the heretofore previously unappeasable and perpetually unpleasable picky and persnickety video poobahs will all become pleasantly appeased and properly proud of their plucky and persistent pursuit of the profoundly perplexing and perpetually persisting plague of the so- called quote unquote run outside stare at the sun for a minute come back in grab some salt and rub it in your eyes and then squeeze a lemon, an organic lemon, and pour the freshly squeezed lemon juice, organic lemon juice from an organic lemon, in your eyes then squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter. In fact they will be so appeased and happy they will compose a poem about it and it will go like this:
The Microstutter
plainly present but barely perceptible
perhaps undetectable except to the perfectly perceptible
perpetual and persistent
not a tad bit inconsistent
a plaguing presence so utterly contemptible
And the Voom guys are going be all happy and giggling and they are going to say, "Dude can you believe they fell for that?" And another Voom guy, the one that sits in the corner cubicle and is really into Dr. Who, is going to be all, "I know dude, this is so funny. Customers are so lame" And the first Voom guy, he's really into Babylon 5 more than Star Trek but he does like Star Trek TOS and sometimes when he takes care of himself, if you know what I mean, he pictures that he is doing it with that one Star Trek TOS alien hottie - the one that looked like an ancient egyptian princess with the tears that if you touched them you would love her more than anything and kinda become her slave, says, "I know. Customers are lame" And then a third Voom guy walked into the area and he's a new Voom guy who just started at Voom a couple of weeks ago and the others don't know him all that well although he seems cool. One thing they will never know about the third Voom guy despite the fact that they are destined to be lifelong friends is that one day Voom guy number three's father announced that he had been living a lie all his life and that he was really gay and he was going to leave his wife, Voom guy number three's mother, and live with the first person with whom he felt true happiness - an Ecuadorean named The guy for whom Voom guy number three's father left Voom guy number three's mother for a week before being consumed with guilt and self-loathing and ultimately returning to his family, undergoing family and personal therapy and salvaging some remnants of a normal family life although secretly continuing to frequent seedy adult movie theater establishments. This Ecuadorean who we will refer to from now on as this Ecuadorean from now for the sake of brevity was a hairdresser who aspired to become famous as a female impersonator and apparently has nothing else to do with this story but in a strange twist of fate this Ecuadorean emotionally shattered from the torrid but ultimately failed relationship with Voom guy number three's father dedicates himself to achieving his female impersonation dreams and one day shows up in a Voom DivineHD production credited as Transvestite #3 So anyway Voom guy number three walks into the room and goes, "Hey, what's going on?" And the other two go, "Dude you should have seen what we just did. You know that thing they keep talking about all the time?" And the third Voom guys goes, "Who is they?" And the other two Voom guys go, "You know, the lamers" And then Voom guy number three goes, "Oh, The customers. Yeah what is that thing they keep whining on about anyway." And then the other two Voom guys go, "Who knows. Something about the picture. They always come up with something to bitch about. Anyway the Man is all bent out of shape because one of the nutjobs got through to him and he had to exchange email with him. You know how he is about having to talk to one of those loons but check this Dude. We fixed it and the Man is coolio." and the third Voom dude is like, "Cool, so what was the deal" And so the first two were like, "There was no deal, it's just lame crap from lamer video engineer wannabes. But this is how we are just so f'ing cool - we told the Man it's already fixed. We put the fix in the firmware months ago" And the third guy is like, "That is so cool" And the first two are like "We know dude. It's not like the Man knows. He hasn't done any video engineering since the dark ages. Like how is he going to tell, he gonna go to the antique store and by an oscilloscope and check out the sine wave?" And all three of them laugh about that for awhile but then the third one says, "So what about the lamers? After the new firmware nothing will be changed?' And the other two say, "yeah, we know but there is no problem..it's just a placebo man. Just tell 'em it's fixed and they will think it's fixed. Those lamers are gonna come up with some new thing anyway." And so then they all three decide to go to lunch pleased with how smart and cool and unlame they are. Oh, and one other thing, when they had that conversation the first two Voom guys actually talked in absolute perfect unision when the were conversing with Voom guy number three. Voom guy number three thought it was kinda creepy but he got over it. So anyway that is my new theory about the microstutters. Maybe they don't exist but since we think they exist the Voom guys are going to tell us they exist so they can tell us they fixed them even though they don't and they didn't. Then, when the new firmware comes out, we won't be seeing what never was really there anyway and since we can't see what we couldn't really see but only thought we were seeing before then we will think everything is better than ever. It's like all Phillip K. Dick man. You know he was like a visionary mystic that just knew it all, man. He was like modern Nostradamus. Like that guy that can talk to dead people - Jonathan Edwards from that show Crossing Over. Dude, he is like a superfreak but he has like powers. And David Blaine is like that, too. Well, not David Blaine the sit in a suspended box over London and go nutty David Blaine cause that was just like starving and who can't do that man. I went like that whole semester Sophomore year with nothing but RamanNoodle when I spent all that money buying that bad ass surfboard that was so sweet and I know that was harder than sitting up in some stupid box for 40 days. That was just 40 days but I had to eat Raman like every day for weeks man. Way more than 40 days. You remember that, don't you? But the Times Square David Blaine in the ice, that was pretty cool. Hey, you know who else is cool. I mean really really cool. Samuel Jackson. Samuel MFing Jackson. Like in Pulp Fiction - that was so way cool. Big Kahuna Burger. Did you see him in a Formula 51? I know it kinda sucked but there was some cool stuff in there too "Can't a brother deal some mfing drugs?". That was so cool. I like that English guy in that one too. That Hamlet McBeth dude. Wait Wait I need to get back on topic. Anyway that's why I don't see any microstutter. It doesn't exist. Although the Voom guys are saying it exists, thats not because it really exists thats only because we think it really exists and the Voom guys know they can't fix a problem that doesn't really exist unless they say the problem is real so they can apply their real unreal fix to the unreal real problem. See, thats why I was right and the rest of you were wrong.
(cut out lots of other stuff that's interesting and important and very worthy to be read but just not right here and right now)
I'm really skeptical about it though - even more skeptical about it than I am about all the microstutters on all the Voom channels although I guess now it's been confirmed that the microstutters do exist since that guy posted that email he got from Wilt the Voom guy who said the issue is solved in the latest beta of the firmware. Well, happen might be the better word to use than exist because I don't want to deal with all the implications that "exist" implies. Although, I was thinking about this the other day, not because I was trying to find a way to prove that I was really right about the fact the microstutters didn't exist...sorry...about the fact that they didn't happen... maybe occur is even better....about the fact that the microstutters weren't really occurring....no happen was better...about the fact that the so-called microstutters weren't really happening. It had more to do with the fact that it was just inconceivable that I could possibly be wrong about the idea that so-called quote unquote microstutters were really just some manifestation of, for lack of better term, display anxiety that some guys with high end video equipment kinda manifest. You know what I'm talking about, the video poobahs who see things that the human eye wasn't really meant to see but somehow they do. Probably some sort of genetic thing - you know kinda like the Xmen genetic mutation but not actually cool like the XMen genetic mutation because were talking about the ability to see, by eyesight, that a TV display is set 7 degrees kelvin too warm and stuff like that which isn't anything to sneeze at, I guess but when compared to Wolverine who is cool because he can eviscerate his enemies with cool razor sharp Titanium claws and stuff like that it kinda pales in comparison. I'm not trying to dis the eyesight thing, you know. It's not that it's bad or wrong or anything. I'm just saying, if it was a matter of choice where someone said that you could chose from one of two genetic mutations where the first choice is eyesight to tell a stuck pixel from 20 yards and the second choice is razor sharp Titanium claws we all know which one everyone would choose. That's all I'm saying. Anyway, what I finally realized was that maybe Wilt the Voom guy is just saying that the newest firmware will take care of this problem of the so-called microstutters. Do you get where I'm going here? Do you? See, maybe the Voom guys don't believe in the so-called quote unquote microstutters either. None of them see the so-called quote unquote squint real hard and stand and one leg and you can see 'em microstutters. But all of these people - well, "all of these" is kinda much isn't it? I mean 30 or 40 people posting on an Internet discussion board where it's well know that all the most obsessively picky video poobahs congregate to dissect, pixel by pixel, the performance, perceived performance, of their preferred satellite provider's pictures, well, anyway, you can see the point I'm trying to make, or maybe, just maybe, it's the conspiracy I'm trying to expose...wait...stop for a second and let your mind around that idea, just let it soak in good and deep...the conspiracy, THE CONSPIRACY i tell ya, the conspiracy I'm uncovering like I'm Woodward and Bernstein all rolled into one so that I've become Bernwerd is that maybe the Voom guys have made a calculated decision that even though they, the Voom guys, think the so-called quote unquote run out and stare at the sun for a minute and then come back and squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter issue is simply the figment of the overly active imaginative imagination of a small group of picky and persnickety video poobahs. And the Voom guys, being clever Voom guys and all, decided to go along with the mass madness of the hallucinatory few and they say that the so-called quote unquote run outside and stare at the sun for a minute come back in get some salt rub it into your eyes squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter issues do exist. In fact, we've already fixed 'em in the next firmware. Then the heretofore previously unappeasable and perpetually unpleasable picky and persnickety video poobahs will all become pleasantly appeased and properly proud of their plucky and persistent pursuit of the profoundly perplexing and perpetually persisting plague of the so- called quote unquote run outside stare at the sun for a minute come back in grab some salt and rub it in your eyes and then squeeze a lemon, an organic lemon, and pour the freshly squeezed lemon juice, organic lemon juice from an organic lemon, in your eyes then squint real hard and stand on one leg and then you can see 'em microstutter. In fact they will be so appeased and happy they will compose a poem about it and it will go like this:
The Microstutter
plainly present but barely perceptible
perhaps undetectable except to the perfectly perceptible
perpetual and persistent
not a tad bit inconsistent
a plaguing presence so utterly contemptible
And the Voom guys are going be all happy and giggling and they are going to say, "Dude can you believe they fell for that?" And another Voom guy, the one that sits in the corner cubicle and is really into Dr. Who, is going to be all, "I know dude, this is so funny. Customers are so lame" And the first Voom guy, he's really into Babylon 5 more than Star Trek but he does like Star Trek TOS and sometimes when he takes care of himself, if you know what I mean, he pictures that he is doing it with that one Star Trek TOS alien hottie - the one that looked like an ancient egyptian princess with the tears that if you touched them you would love her more than anything and kinda become her slave, says, "I know. Customers are lame" And then a third Voom guy walked into the area and he's a new Voom guy who just started at Voom a couple of weeks ago and the others don't know him all that well although he seems cool. One thing they will never know about the third Voom guy despite the fact that they are destined to be lifelong friends is that one day Voom guy number three's father announced that he had been living a lie all his life and that he was really gay and he was going to leave his wife, Voom guy number three's mother, and live with the first person with whom he felt true happiness - an Ecuadorean named The guy for whom Voom guy number three's father left Voom guy number three's mother for a week before being consumed with guilt and self-loathing and ultimately returning to his family, undergoing family and personal therapy and salvaging some remnants of a normal family life although secretly continuing to frequent seedy adult movie theater establishments. This Ecuadorean who we will refer to from now on as this Ecuadorean from now for the sake of brevity was a hairdresser who aspired to become famous as a female impersonator and apparently has nothing else to do with this story but in a strange twist of fate this Ecuadorean emotionally shattered from the torrid but ultimately failed relationship with Voom guy number three's father dedicates himself to achieving his female impersonation dreams and one day shows up in a Voom DivineHD production credited as Transvestite #3 So anyway Voom guy number three walks into the room and goes, "Hey, what's going on?" And the other two go, "Dude you should have seen what we just did. You know that thing they keep talking about all the time?" And the third Voom guys goes, "Who is they?" And the other two Voom guys go, "You know, the lamers" And then Voom guy number three goes, "Oh, The customers. Yeah what is that thing they keep whining on about anyway." And then the other two Voom guys go, "Who knows. Something about the picture. They always come up with something to bitch about. Anyway the Man is all bent out of shape because one of the nutjobs got through to him and he had to exchange email with him. You know how he is about having to talk to one of those loons but check this Dude. We fixed it and the Man is coolio." and the third Voom dude is like, "Cool, so what was the deal" And so the first two were like, "There was no deal, it's just lame crap from lamer video engineer wannabes. But this is how we are just so f'ing cool - we told the Man it's already fixed. We put the fix in the firmware months ago" And the third guy is like, "That is so cool" And the first two are like "We know dude. It's not like the Man knows. He hasn't done any video engineering since the dark ages. Like how is he going to tell, he gonna go to the antique store and by an oscilloscope and check out the sine wave?" And all three of them laugh about that for awhile but then the third one says, "So what about the lamers? After the new firmware nothing will be changed?' And the other two say, "yeah, we know but there is no problem..it's just a placebo man. Just tell 'em it's fixed and they will think it's fixed. Those lamers are gonna come up with some new thing anyway." And so then they all three decide to go to lunch pleased with how smart and cool and unlame they are. Oh, and one other thing, when they had that conversation the first two Voom guys actually talked in absolute perfect unision when the were conversing with Voom guy number three. Voom guy number three thought it was kinda creepy but he got over it. So anyway that is my new theory about the microstutters. Maybe they don't exist but since we think they exist the Voom guys are going to tell us they exist so they can tell us they fixed them even though they don't and they didn't. Then, when the new firmware comes out, we won't be seeing what never was really there anyway and since we can't see what we couldn't really see but only thought we were seeing before then we will think everything is better than ever. It's like all Phillip K. Dick man. You know he was like a visionary mystic that just knew it all, man. He was like modern Nostradamus. Like that guy that can talk to dead people - Jonathan Edwards from that show Crossing Over. Dude, he is like a superfreak but he has like powers. And David Blaine is like that, too. Well, not David Blaine the sit in a suspended box over London and go nutty David Blaine cause that was just like starving and who can't do that man. I went like that whole semester Sophomore year with nothing but RamanNoodle when I spent all that money buying that bad ass surfboard that was so sweet and I know that was harder than sitting up in some stupid box for 40 days. That was just 40 days but I had to eat Raman like every day for weeks man. Way more than 40 days. You remember that, don't you? But the Times Square David Blaine in the ice, that was pretty cool. Hey, you know who else is cool. I mean really really cool. Samuel Jackson. Samuel MFing Jackson. Like in Pulp Fiction - that was so way cool. Big Kahuna Burger. Did you see him in a Formula 51? I know it kinda sucked but there was some cool stuff in there too "Can't a brother deal some mfing drugs?". That was so cool. I like that English guy in that one too. That Hamlet McBeth dude. Wait Wait I need to get back on topic. Anyway that's why I don't see any microstutter. It doesn't exist. Although the Voom guys are saying it exists, thats not because it really exists thats only because we think it really exists and the Voom guys know they can't fix a problem that doesn't really exist unless they say the problem is real so they can apply their real unreal fix to the unreal real problem. See, thats why I was right and the rest of you were wrong.
