Update:
The incredibly Jamaican (not that there's anything wrong with that, but understanding the man can become a chore) service man has been here for nearly 2 hours. The first thing he did was, predictibly, replacing the LNB with the less sucky version, but we've had no improvement in the situation since then. We've been trying to diagnose every other possible reason why, and what makes this situation worse is the fact that I can't even be work productive during this time as my company's VPN and email are down. Another thing that will make my bosses super happy.
10am Update: The guy ran signal checks on both receivers, and according to him, none of them are exhibiting any activity, meaning BOTH of my HD DVRs are fried. He thinks it was because the line wasn't properly grounded and it sent both my receivers down sh*t's creek.
UGH.
11am Update: The guy has been gone for an hour to get some other equipment. Actually, he came back a little while ago, but then mysteriously disappeared. This is getting beyond ridiculous.