LOL some great lines in that post. Hope you get it worked out tho.
I called in just now and went directly to cancellations. It took me all of 5 minutes to speak with a retention representative that was the most helpful anyone at DTV has been. I told him that all I want is working equipment, but he decided that a technician visit at my house was the best way to make sure everything was in proper working condition. Shockingly, this service call comes at no charge. The technical support representatives, and their supervisors weren't able to get me any service like this. I guess sometimes it takes the cancellations department to understand that a customer isn't satisfied.