LOL! I'm right outside of Crystal River.
Okee. If you ever go 'n get over to Sleepy Hollow on Gobbler drive in Floral City. Look up an inseparable couple. They are never ever seen apart. Phyllis and Seth. Formerly know to everybody there as "Sethphyllis". Swear to God!
X-Mas day mid 90's. We all meet at the pub. At 41 and 48, the Bushnell road. The only red light in town. The road to "Church"!
We're all inside having a cold one. Billy Bob pulls up in his pickup. Or "muhtruck" if you own one there. Official lingo!
He comes a-struttin' in happy as a...I dunno. Wants us to all go out and see what "hiswife" got him fer xmas.
In the rifle rack is a gleaming new Browning 12 gauge pump. Bobbie Sue got it fer him and aint it purdy!
He grabs it and shows it off. A dude asks to see it. Billy hands it over. "Careful its got one in the hole and no plug", he warns.
The redneck aims it at the one and only red light in town. Clicks the safety. BA-LAMMM.
Light starts swingin'. Colored chunks of glass are flying and hitting the road. Tink-de-tink-tink-tink.
Billy Bob grabs the gun. Wraps it with a jean jacket. Sticks it behind the seat. We all go back inside wearing halos!
15-20 minutes later. Here in comes a Sheriff. Asking if anyone saw who shot out the red light.
Heads shake. We just got here, but we saw it. Or "musta been like that all night".
A girl at one of the tables already 7/8 in the bag raises her head off the table and slurs at the Deputy.
Thars's broken glass in the road?!! She says. Well I hope you got a broom to sweep it up cuz my hubbin' got me a brand new set of tires for crimmas.
And...there is not ONE Ounce of BS in that story. I was there. It that ain't country. I'll kiss your ass!