Timers??!? Come on. Find a show in the guide you want and hit the record button and then hit Create Timer. Default setting is once for a one time show and recurring for a recurring show. It's like 2 button presses. The only way it could be better is if it reads your mind to be less 'labor intensive'!
Or if you like using the computer as much as you do for posting here, go to the remote scheduling site and do your timers there. You don't have to push any buttons on your remote, just click with your mouse (you do have to setup the receiver on the ethernet connection and go to the right menu, so maybe you don't want to go through that, but I use it all the time and it's a piece of cake.)
Why not ask for help or try it out for a bit before hating something. Jeez!
Sounds like you need a better setup with your Dish being pointed, possible remote interference (what TV do you have?), etc. Some of your comments I can understand, but some are off the wall.