Sincerely intended in the spirit of good nature and humor with absolutely no ill will or malice I present as a service to the satelliteguys Voom forum community:
The typical Vurbano programming post template
POST TITLES
(Insert Voom exclusive channel) should show more (insert name of a sport, event, or movie)
note - while this is perhaps the most typical vurbano style, the template user should not feel constrained to only format the title entry in this way. It is possible to state the issue in a variety of styles that still express the same basic opinion. For example,
variation 1
More (name of sport, event, movie) on (name of Voom exclusive channel)
variation 2
I'm sick of all the (insert name of broadcasting currently shown on voom exclusive channel) on (insert voom exclusive channel name). How about some (sport, event, movie)
variation 3
(insert name of voom exclusive) is a waste of bandwidth.
BODY OF MESSAGE
note - the vurbano message is generally short and to the point but there are some key rules and stylistic elements that need to be followed:
1. No person subscribing to Voom really wants to see anything except american sports except to occasionally check out PQ on the channel.
2. No Voom exclusive, with the possible exception of Monsters HD, is of much value and the HD bandwidth the channel consumes (this is really key you need to use the terms "bandwidth" and "waste of bandwidth" a few times) is really being wasted
3. Never mention or, in follow-up posting in the thread, acknowledge the fact there really isn't any other use for the "wasted" bandwidth
3. The proposed improved broadcasting content should have it's broadcasting rights already owned by another channel which currently shows the content
4. Never acknowledge the fact that another broadcaster owns this content, this is immaterial to the point and introduces into the thread the dangerous idea of reality and possibilty destroying the childlike fantasy charm of the vurbano post. Remember, it's about what the channel OUGHT to show, not the pesky reality of what it can obtain and afford to show.
5. When closing out the post, issue a prophetic doom of failure that will occur if the powers to be at Voom fails to do exactly as you instruct them. Once again, reality is no excuse. Voom must follow what is being proscribed to the letter or the Voom exlusive channel will be a failure and quite possibly Voom itself will completely fail .
SPECIAL ADDENDUM
vurbano posts offer such a vast amount of forum fun as long as you follow the guidelines but there are some special instances in which the person seeking to make a vurbano post may not know what is the right thing to do. The following is a special question and answer format to help the aspiring vurbano poster
Q - What should I do if someone, like a producer or programmer or content creator from one of the Voom exclusives shows up in the forum making posts?
A - the vurbano poster immediately issues a post informing/asking the individual these four things:
1. I think your channel sucks
2. Everyone thinks your channel sucks
3. Do you realize how bad your channel sucks
4. Why don't they show more American sports on WorldSport? It's never going to be successful until they get some american sports.
In follow-up posts, if someone calls you out as rude make sure to correct that person's ill informed opinion by instructing him that your just telling the truth and the Voom guy deserves to know the truth that his work and the work of his colleagues suck. In essence, it's tough love and good for the guy to find out now so that his art won't go on wasting valuable HD bandwidth that could be used to show more american sports
Q I really want to be succesful at my vurbano posts but something is just missing. I ask my wife and friends to read over them and they agree that it just doesn't seem right but no one can help me fix it. Is it just hopeless?
A No more hopeless than Voom getting INHD before the month is out - and you know they really need it otherwise people are going to start going back to DirectTV. Anyway, what most first-time vurbano posters really fail to get is that combination of fantasy and pugnaciousness. You've really got to be in the face of the other posters with the idea that your conception of what the particular Voom exclusive channel should be, despite how inconceivably impossible that conception really is, is not merely the best way that channel could be programmed it's the ONLY way that channel can be programmed for Voom, and most likely Rainbow Communications, not to fail. Once you get that, it's all down hill
Q I'm kinda bummed out and maybe you can help even though this isn't a typical Vurbano voom exclusive channel post question. I really think HDNet and INHD ought to be on Voom but it just seems like there are too many obstables and that wont happen for a long time. What can i do?
A Hey now, do you think Vurbano lets silly things like reality get in the way of adding new channel to Voom? Have you not been paying attention? Maybe you just lack imagination, so let me tell you something. Voom should have those channels. They should have added them last week even before June 1st. And if Voom is serious and doesn't want to go out of business it should add those channels retroactively right away so that I had my INHD and HDNet yesterday. They better realize that people will go back to Direct and Dish if they don't go back and put those on yesterday. Let's get real, they have American sports on those channels. What people want to see. No one wants to watch some cruddy 4 star french movie on cinema 2 when HDNet is showing some of it's exclusive coverage of the American Lacrosse League. WorldSport ought to show some of that. You can't get more American than Lacrosse - the indians played it and they were the native Americans so Lacrosse is so American that it's almost quintessentially American. Well, except for the name which is Fren....but it doesn't matter, Lacrosse is American and it's a sport and if that doesn't spell WorldSport what does? Someone at Voom better wiseup or they are going to go bye-bye. That channel better be there tomorrow or it's all over.
Q Hey, I kind of get it now. So that's how it's done?
A. Ummm...yeah. Uhhh..who are you?
Q I'm the first guy that asked a question
A. oh, OH YEAH..that dude. Yeah, you see now? It's pretty cool, isn't it?
Q Yeah, it just makes no sense but it's really kinda belligerent about it.
A. There you go, you said it better than I did - belligerent nonsense
Q I'm still kinda bummed
A. I thought you were stoked dude..what's going on is the lithium fluctuating or something?
Q No..nothing like that. I'm the second guy
A Ok, yeah, I guess I showed have given you guys more distinctive names than Q and Q
Q what's that?
Q yeah, I think so
Q you think so? what are you talking about?
Q he was talking about how he should have given us better names
Q what guy was? names?
Q that dude..the dude over there...Dude, you here me
Q yeah, I'm sitting here talking to you
Q no, not you. The dude over there. I don't remember his name
Q the guy answering the questions you mean?
Q yeah, the vurbano dude
Q I don't think that guy is right in the head
Q Vurbano?
Q No, the other guy
Q the answer guy, you mean...what's wrong with him?
Q well, I mean...well, look at this
Q yeah, this is kinda weird, I grant you that
Q kinda weird? I mean the Vurbano thing was kinda funny and all but where are we going with all this?
Q Going? are we going somewhere? Hey Dude..Vurbano template dude, are we going somewhere?
Q Where did he go anyway?
Q I don't have any idea but I'm getting tired of this.
Q Yeah, so am I. Let's go, should we?
Q Cool. Dude, Hey Vurbano template dude..we are going now. Later?
A hey, where did everyone go?
