This past weekend I was having a rough time of things letting my fears get the better of me when I was really tired. Today I found this letter on craigslist and it made me feel better about my own existance and situations.
To my alcoholic ex-husband
To my alcoholic ex-husband
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Reply to: pers-504390352@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-09, 11:41PM MST
This is the last month of the first year after our son’s death. I intend to correct a problem I have in THIS NEXT MONTH so that I can experience a new life after this. The problem is mine. I will own it. I am co-dependent. I have loved you since I started loving you and have never let you go. But, I am ready NOW…
And it’s your problem too. I’ve always been afraid to really tell you how much you have hurt me. For what you might do to the children. For what you might do to yourself. But, you need to take ownership now. I won’t carry you anymore.
Your drinking has caused a huge schism in our lives for years. And not just the drinking, but EVERYTHING that has come with it. You know what it is. It would be different if you just drank and laughed and fell asleep. But it hasn’t been like that, has it? We have been through a horrible relationship, horrible divorce, horrible illness of our firstborn child, and the horrific outcome of his death…I have joined you in your drinking, drugging, and bar hounding. And then quit. I have joined you again. And then quit.
I keep trying to do what you do to understand you, to beat you, to join you, to tolerate you, to appease you, to get your attention, to get someone’s attention, to numb my own pain, and ultimately, to my own detriment. I have hated you. And then forgiven you. I have hated you again. And then forgiven you again. I have been to AA, and Alanon. I have read Codependency No More. I have read the Holy Bible. Several times. I have been to church. Hundreds of times. I have prayed for you. Thousands of times.
And again. And again…and…
I am just a little lady. I can’t keep up with you. I can’t even begin to. It’s harmful to me. It’s killing me. I used to think you might kill me in one of your drunken rages, but now I see you are just killing me slowly, or rather letting me kill myself. You treat me like a whore. You always have.
I have got to stop. But when I do, I won’t be able to stand you…again. Our beautiful son who is now an angel always hoped for us. But in his last days, he finally gave me his blessing to turn away from you. Our younger son did A LONG TIME AGO. Even now he doesn’t understand why I won’t let you go. You think he wants us together????????
HE LOVES ME MORE THAN THAT.
Why won’t you stop? Because if you do, YOU will feel the pain. So you keep on. And EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU feels the pain instead. Very selfish action. I know it’s been hard. Especially since we lost our child. But you’ve had a free pass for this last year. For the last sixteen, actually…
Time’s almost up. I will not allow any more time…WASTED…If losing our child won’t make you stop…what will?
Location: Not for the faint of heart
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
To my alcoholic ex-husband
To my alcoholic ex-husband
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-504390352@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-09, 11:41PM MST
This is the last month of the first year after our son’s death. I intend to correct a problem I have in THIS NEXT MONTH so that I can experience a new life after this. The problem is mine. I will own it. I am co-dependent. I have loved you since I started loving you and have never let you go. But, I am ready NOW…
And it’s your problem too. I’ve always been afraid to really tell you how much you have hurt me. For what you might do to the children. For what you might do to yourself. But, you need to take ownership now. I won’t carry you anymore.
Your drinking has caused a huge schism in our lives for years. And not just the drinking, but EVERYTHING that has come with it. You know what it is. It would be different if you just drank and laughed and fell asleep. But it hasn’t been like that, has it? We have been through a horrible relationship, horrible divorce, horrible illness of our firstborn child, and the horrific outcome of his death…I have joined you in your drinking, drugging, and bar hounding. And then quit. I have joined you again. And then quit.
I keep trying to do what you do to understand you, to beat you, to join you, to tolerate you, to appease you, to get your attention, to get someone’s attention, to numb my own pain, and ultimately, to my own detriment. I have hated you. And then forgiven you. I have hated you again. And then forgiven you again. I have been to AA, and Alanon. I have read Codependency No More. I have read the Holy Bible. Several times. I have been to church. Hundreds of times. I have prayed for you. Thousands of times.
And again. And again…and…
I am just a little lady. I can’t keep up with you. I can’t even begin to. It’s harmful to me. It’s killing me. I used to think you might kill me in one of your drunken rages, but now I see you are just killing me slowly, or rather letting me kill myself. You treat me like a whore. You always have.
I have got to stop. But when I do, I won’t be able to stand you…again. Our beautiful son who is now an angel always hoped for us. But in his last days, he finally gave me his blessing to turn away from you. Our younger son did A LONG TIME AGO. Even now he doesn’t understand why I won’t let you go. You think he wants us together????????
HE LOVES ME MORE THAN THAT.
Why won’t you stop? Because if you do, YOU will feel the pain. So you keep on. And EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU feels the pain instead. Very selfish action. I know it’s been hard. Especially since we lost our child. But you’ve had a free pass for this last year. For the last sixteen, actually…
Time’s almost up. I will not allow any more time…WASTED…If losing our child won’t make you stop…what will?
Location: Not for the faint of heart
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
