Show the word "fragile" to people of a certain age, and you might get this pronunciation with commentary:
"Fra-JEE-lay. Must be Italian."
It's from "A Christmas Story," the movie of one boy's quest for a Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle. And, at 22 years old, it's very much a classic. So much so that TBS (cable Ch. 31) devotes 24 hours to airing it each year.
Starting at 7 p.m. Saturday, the 12 consecutive showings could anesthetize someone right out of the holiday spirit. Watching the movie at least once in its entirety, though, is like spending a few hours with an old friend.
Except maybe you don't have the time; after all, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are usually packed with family visits and gatherings and short on television time -- at least, television that isn't in the form of a football game. Or maybe there's only one part of the movie that you love -- the part with the frozen tongue, or the part where Ralphie and Randy visit Santa -- and after you see that, you can call it a season.
That's where this helpful guide comes in. We've broken down the movie by major memorable scenes, and assigned them an approximate time according to the point at which they occur in the movie. Remember, though, that the movie is one hour and 35 minutes, and TBS has inserted commercials to make the film fit into two hours. The first break comes at about 15 minutes, and there are at least four more after that.
The following times are assuming that zero hour is when the MGM logo comes on the screen -- each airing starts at the top of the odd-numbered hours -- and may vary from house to house, so tune in a few minutes early for each scene so you won't miss anything.
First mention of the BB gun: 3 minutes, 40 seconds. Here is where it all begins: The dreaming, the scheming, the plotting and hoping that under the Christmas tree this year, Ralphie will get the Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle.
First mention of the reason why the BB gun isn't a good idea: 7 minutes, 20 seconds. Ralphie's mom is the first to utter, "You'll shoot your eye out." She's not the last. Among the joiners to that chorus are his teacher and Santa Claus himself.
The frozen tongue incident: 20 minutes. It begins innocently enough at recess, when Ralphie's friend, Schwartz, says that his dad supported his claim that of course a tongue would freeze to a flagpole. In the schoolyard, there's a double-dog-dare, from Schwartz to Flick, to test it out, then -- skipping a triple dare altogether -- Schwartz issues a triple-dog-dare from which Flick cannot back down. He licks; it sticks. "Thtuck! Thtuck!" he shouts, as the rest of the kids hustle inside because the bell rang.
Scut Farkus appears: 25 minutes. Scut Farkus, the most-feared bully, and his toady, Grover Dill, arrive on the scene to terrify Ralphie, Randy, Schwartz and Flick, "staring at us with his yellow eyes. ... So help me, he had yellow eyes!" Farkus and his yellow eyes figure into the perilous walks to and from school.
Introducing the Bumpus hounds: 28 minutes. Hillbilly neighbors the Bumpuses are said to have at least 785 smelly hound dogs who ignored everyone except The Old Man (Ralphie's dad). They'll figure in the story again later, but here they're momentarily distracting The Old Man's triumphant announcement that he's won a Major Prize, which will be delivered later that evening.
The Major Prize arrives: 36 minutes. The box is unloaded in the living room, stamped prominently with "Fragile" - or "Fra-JEE-lay. Must be Italian." When it's finally pulled out of the box, the leg lamp -- "What a great lamp!" The Old Man says -- is given a place of honor in the front window. "It's indescribably beautiful!" The Old Man proclaims, while Ralphie's mom says quietly and in futility: "Couldn't we talk this over?".
The flat tire: 52 minutes. They just purchased a Christmas tree, and the Parkers have a blowout on the way home. "Four minutes - time me!" The Old Man says when he hops out of the car to change it. His mom suggests Ralphie help, and so he does, holding the hubcap with the lug nuts inside. Only when he's jostled and the hubcap and lug nuts go flying, he lets it fly: "Oh fudge." Only he didn't say fudge; the other word came out: "The big one. The Queen Mother of dirty words." The ride home was finished in silence, and Ralphie was rewarded with a mouthful of soap for his punishment, which leads to. ...
Ralphie's musing on soap: 55 minutes. The narrator comments on having been a connoisseur of soaps. Lux was all right, but Ralphie was partial to Palmolive: heady, but with just a bit of mellow smoothness. As for Lifebuoy? "Yecch!"
The lamp is broken: 1 hour, 10 minutes. Mysteriously, while watering the plants, Ralphie's mom breaks the lamp. The Old Man lashes out: "You were always jealous of the lamp!"
The Scut Farkus affair: 1 hour, 14 minutes. In a burst of fury and rage, Ralphie turns the tables on the bully Farkus and wails on him relentlessly, until he's pulled off by his mom.
Visit to Santa: 1 hour, 28 minutes. Seen as the last hope for his Red Ryder BB Gun, Ralphie and Randy wait in line for a surly, scary Santa Claus only to be hurled down a slide into a pile of fake snow. For a moment, Ralphie is scared speechless, and almost lets Santa believe he wants a football for Christmas, even though he wrote in his theme that he didn't think a football was a good gift. At the last second, before scooting down the slide into oblivion, he regains his senses and tells Santa what he wants. Santa's reaction? Say it with me: "You'll shoot your eye out!"
Finally! The gift: 1 hour, 47 minutes. They save it to the end -- after the socks, after the bunny suit from Aunt Clara, after all the presents are opened. Finally! The Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle! Immediately, he goes out to practice, and just as quickly, he shoots his eye out. Sort of. And amid all the commotion that follows. ...
The Bumpus hounds steal the bird: 1 hour, 53 minutes. Out the kitchen door the hounds run, bringing the turkey with them.
And so the Parker family finds itself at Chop Suey Palace, a chorus of waiters singing carols they can't help but laugh at, awaiting a dinner of whatever resembles turkey in a Chinese restaurant.
The only objection? "It's smiling at me," The Old Man says of the duck that still has its head. One "Thwack!" with the knife fixes that, and they all have a Merry Christmas.
http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/column/index.php?ntid=66145&ntpid=1
"Fra-JEE-lay. Must be Italian."
It's from "A Christmas Story," the movie of one boy's quest for a Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle. And, at 22 years old, it's very much a classic. So much so that TBS (cable Ch. 31) devotes 24 hours to airing it each year.
Starting at 7 p.m. Saturday, the 12 consecutive showings could anesthetize someone right out of the holiday spirit. Watching the movie at least once in its entirety, though, is like spending a few hours with an old friend.
Except maybe you don't have the time; after all, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are usually packed with family visits and gatherings and short on television time -- at least, television that isn't in the form of a football game. Or maybe there's only one part of the movie that you love -- the part with the frozen tongue, or the part where Ralphie and Randy visit Santa -- and after you see that, you can call it a season.
That's where this helpful guide comes in. We've broken down the movie by major memorable scenes, and assigned them an approximate time according to the point at which they occur in the movie. Remember, though, that the movie is one hour and 35 minutes, and TBS has inserted commercials to make the film fit into two hours. The first break comes at about 15 minutes, and there are at least four more after that.
The following times are assuming that zero hour is when the MGM logo comes on the screen -- each airing starts at the top of the odd-numbered hours -- and may vary from house to house, so tune in a few minutes early for each scene so you won't miss anything.
First mention of the BB gun: 3 minutes, 40 seconds. Here is where it all begins: The dreaming, the scheming, the plotting and hoping that under the Christmas tree this year, Ralphie will get the Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle.
First mention of the reason why the BB gun isn't a good idea: 7 minutes, 20 seconds. Ralphie's mom is the first to utter, "You'll shoot your eye out." She's not the last. Among the joiners to that chorus are his teacher and Santa Claus himself.
The frozen tongue incident: 20 minutes. It begins innocently enough at recess, when Ralphie's friend, Schwartz, says that his dad supported his claim that of course a tongue would freeze to a flagpole. In the schoolyard, there's a double-dog-dare, from Schwartz to Flick, to test it out, then -- skipping a triple dare altogether -- Schwartz issues a triple-dog-dare from which Flick cannot back down. He licks; it sticks. "Thtuck! Thtuck!" he shouts, as the rest of the kids hustle inside because the bell rang.
Scut Farkus appears: 25 minutes. Scut Farkus, the most-feared bully, and his toady, Grover Dill, arrive on the scene to terrify Ralphie, Randy, Schwartz and Flick, "staring at us with his yellow eyes. ... So help me, he had yellow eyes!" Farkus and his yellow eyes figure into the perilous walks to and from school.
Introducing the Bumpus hounds: 28 minutes. Hillbilly neighbors the Bumpuses are said to have at least 785 smelly hound dogs who ignored everyone except The Old Man (Ralphie's dad). They'll figure in the story again later, but here they're momentarily distracting The Old Man's triumphant announcement that he's won a Major Prize, which will be delivered later that evening.
The Major Prize arrives: 36 minutes. The box is unloaded in the living room, stamped prominently with "Fragile" - or "Fra-JEE-lay. Must be Italian." When it's finally pulled out of the box, the leg lamp -- "What a great lamp!" The Old Man says -- is given a place of honor in the front window. "It's indescribably beautiful!" The Old Man proclaims, while Ralphie's mom says quietly and in futility: "Couldn't we talk this over?".
The flat tire: 52 minutes. They just purchased a Christmas tree, and the Parkers have a blowout on the way home. "Four minutes - time me!" The Old Man says when he hops out of the car to change it. His mom suggests Ralphie help, and so he does, holding the hubcap with the lug nuts inside. Only when he's jostled and the hubcap and lug nuts go flying, he lets it fly: "Oh fudge." Only he didn't say fudge; the other word came out: "The big one. The Queen Mother of dirty words." The ride home was finished in silence, and Ralphie was rewarded with a mouthful of soap for his punishment, which leads to. ...
Ralphie's musing on soap: 55 minutes. The narrator comments on having been a connoisseur of soaps. Lux was all right, but Ralphie was partial to Palmolive: heady, but with just a bit of mellow smoothness. As for Lifebuoy? "Yecch!"
The lamp is broken: 1 hour, 10 minutes. Mysteriously, while watering the plants, Ralphie's mom breaks the lamp. The Old Man lashes out: "You were always jealous of the lamp!"
The Scut Farkus affair: 1 hour, 14 minutes. In a burst of fury and rage, Ralphie turns the tables on the bully Farkus and wails on him relentlessly, until he's pulled off by his mom.
Visit to Santa: 1 hour, 28 minutes. Seen as the last hope for his Red Ryder BB Gun, Ralphie and Randy wait in line for a surly, scary Santa Claus only to be hurled down a slide into a pile of fake snow. For a moment, Ralphie is scared speechless, and almost lets Santa believe he wants a football for Christmas, even though he wrote in his theme that he didn't think a football was a good gift. At the last second, before scooting down the slide into oblivion, he regains his senses and tells Santa what he wants. Santa's reaction? Say it with me: "You'll shoot your eye out!"
Finally! The gift: 1 hour, 47 minutes. They save it to the end -- after the socks, after the bunny suit from Aunt Clara, after all the presents are opened. Finally! The Red Ryder Carbine Action, 200-Shot, Range Model Air Rifle! Immediately, he goes out to practice, and just as quickly, he shoots his eye out. Sort of. And amid all the commotion that follows. ...
The Bumpus hounds steal the bird: 1 hour, 53 minutes. Out the kitchen door the hounds run, bringing the turkey with them.
And so the Parker family finds itself at Chop Suey Palace, a chorus of waiters singing carols they can't help but laugh at, awaiting a dinner of whatever resembles turkey in a Chinese restaurant.
The only objection? "It's smiling at me," The Old Man says of the duck that still has its head. One "Thwack!" with the knife fixes that, and they all have a Merry Christmas.
http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/column/index.php?ntid=66145&ntpid=1
