Alternately titled, "Why everyone not wearing Rosie(Colvin)-colored glasses hates the Patriots - nope, it's not jealousy"
Before I begin, to Patriots fans reading this: spare me your "we don't care about your respect" posts - you obviously do, or you wouldn't be in all of the other threads complaining about "Patriot Haters."
2nd thing before I begin: This is still (mostly) just for fun, let's all try to remember that... I'm just trying to help here.
1. Fire your coach. Yes, I know he's a "genius," but he's also a cheater and, by all accounts, a jerk to anyone he doesn't deem worthy of his attention, which is most of America.
Alternate #1: At least get the guy to smile once in a while, maybe just try to act a little magnanimous to other coaches and reporters... None of them added laxative to his orange juice this morning, so it would be great if he would stop acting like they did.
2. Stop acting like you're God's gift to football. Seriously, they haven't lost a game all year, but after the ones that have been close you wouldn't know it by listening to them. All they can talk about is how badly they played, like that is the only reason why the JV team on the other side of the field would have any chance at kissing their cleats.
3. Stop complaining about and/or berating the officials after a game you have just WON. It's bad enough seeing the way certain teams act toward the officials after a tough loss (see: Baltimore) and I can't stand that either, but to do it after a game you've won is just ridiculous. Three days' (at least) worth of whining after the Colts game, Mike Vrabel berating an official on the way into the locker room after the Ravens game... come on. But I guess if you're God's gift to football there must be some conspiracy going on for the game to be close.
4. Stop complaining about the other teams' fans complaining about the officials after a game you've won. See #3. With that kind of behavior from you after a win, you have no business getting on someone else's fans after their team just lost a heartbreaker (not saying I agree with their complaining either, but still).
5. Stop going for it on 4th down when you're up by 5 touchdowns in the 4th quarter. Yes, I know the other team are professionals too (not that you would know it based on the way some of the Pats players talk), but there's a difference between that mentality and what you're doing. I'm not asking you to take a knee, but try playing your backups and handing the ball off once in while when you have a big lead.
Alternate #5: If you're intent on demolishing the rest of the league to prove some kind of point, at least admit that's what you're doing instead of insulting our intelligence by pretending you're not.
6. Stop making up stupid jokes and sending chain emails about the "new rules for the Patriots offense," etc. Or at least try to confine them to the NE area. No one else thinks they are remotely funny.
7. Put all of your backup copies of those tapes on the Internet and let us all know exactly what advantage (if any) you got from them. This is at least partially Roger Goodell's fault, and to be honest I'm not sure I really want to know, because it could be one of those things a league never recovers from (which is probably why we haven't seen them). There's just something fishy about the way the whole thing was handled.
8. Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that, and your men shall live. Do it not, and everyone of you will die today. Oops, sorry, wrong list. Got a little carried away there....
OK, seriously - I really am just trying to have a little fun here, but you guys who are Pats fans can't read this without admitting that there is some truth to it, and without getting some kind of an understanding of why everyone feels the way they do about your team.
I think there are plenty of people who are tired of hearing about the '72 Dolphins who would gladly embrace the Patriots of 2001 if they were the ones going for this record, but all of the stuff that has happened recently is just too much for most of us to feel good about.
There's also the idea that they "bought" their team this year, and generally speaking that tends to turn people off... but I can't really begrudge them that, since they did it within the rules of the current system. BTW, the "lifelong fans" in the brand new Wes Welker jerseys don't really help this cause (yes, I'm talking to you, Bill Simmons).
OK, I think I've said my piece... let me have it.
Before I begin, to Patriots fans reading this: spare me your "we don't care about your respect" posts - you obviously do, or you wouldn't be in all of the other threads complaining about "Patriot Haters."
2nd thing before I begin: This is still (mostly) just for fun, let's all try to remember that... I'm just trying to help here.
1. Fire your coach. Yes, I know he's a "genius," but he's also a cheater and, by all accounts, a jerk to anyone he doesn't deem worthy of his attention, which is most of America.
Alternate #1: At least get the guy to smile once in a while, maybe just try to act a little magnanimous to other coaches and reporters... None of them added laxative to his orange juice this morning, so it would be great if he would stop acting like they did.
2. Stop acting like you're God's gift to football. Seriously, they haven't lost a game all year, but after the ones that have been close you wouldn't know it by listening to them. All they can talk about is how badly they played, like that is the only reason why the JV team on the other side of the field would have any chance at kissing their cleats.
3. Stop complaining about and/or berating the officials after a game you have just WON. It's bad enough seeing the way certain teams act toward the officials after a tough loss (see: Baltimore) and I can't stand that either, but to do it after a game you've won is just ridiculous. Three days' (at least) worth of whining after the Colts game, Mike Vrabel berating an official on the way into the locker room after the Ravens game... come on. But I guess if you're God's gift to football there must be some conspiracy going on for the game to be close.
4. Stop complaining about the other teams' fans complaining about the officials after a game you've won. See #3. With that kind of behavior from you after a win, you have no business getting on someone else's fans after their team just lost a heartbreaker (not saying I agree with their complaining either, but still).
5. Stop going for it on 4th down when you're up by 5 touchdowns in the 4th quarter. Yes, I know the other team are professionals too (not that you would know it based on the way some of the Pats players talk), but there's a difference between that mentality and what you're doing. I'm not asking you to take a knee, but try playing your backups and handing the ball off once in while when you have a big lead.
Alternate #5: If you're intent on demolishing the rest of the league to prove some kind of point, at least admit that's what you're doing instead of insulting our intelligence by pretending you're not.
6. Stop making up stupid jokes and sending chain emails about the "new rules for the Patriots offense," etc. Or at least try to confine them to the NE area. No one else thinks they are remotely funny.
7. Put all of your backup copies of those tapes on the Internet and let us all know exactly what advantage (if any) you got from them. This is at least partially Roger Goodell's fault, and to be honest I'm not sure I really want to know, because it could be one of those things a league never recovers from (which is probably why we haven't seen them). There's just something fishy about the way the whole thing was handled.
8. Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that, and your men shall live. Do it not, and everyone of you will die today. Oops, sorry, wrong list. Got a little carried away there....
OK, seriously - I really am just trying to have a little fun here, but you guys who are Pats fans can't read this without admitting that there is some truth to it, and without getting some kind of an understanding of why everyone feels the way they do about your team.
I think there are plenty of people who are tired of hearing about the '72 Dolphins who would gladly embrace the Patriots of 2001 if they were the ones going for this record, but all of the stuff that has happened recently is just too much for most of us to feel good about.
There's also the idea that they "bought" their team this year, and generally speaking that tends to turn people off... but I can't really begrudge them that, since they did it within the rules of the current system. BTW, the "lifelong fans" in the brand new Wes Welker jerseys don't really help this cause (yes, I'm talking to you, Bill Simmons).
OK, I think I've said my piece... let me have it.
