Dear Friends:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you
have been good this year and since you have, I will be
telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave
under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of
Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12
fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from
fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords
leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the
9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird
things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese
a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle
doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to
my sled runners in bird sh*t.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through
menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves
have joined the gay liberation and some people who
can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the
5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my sh*t together
and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest
you get your asses down to the mall before everything
is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
I have been watching you very closely to see if you
have been good this year and since you have, I will be
telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave
under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of
Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12
fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from
fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords
leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the
9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird
things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese
a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle
doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to
my sled runners in bird sh*t.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through
menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves
have joined the gay liberation and some people who
can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the
5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my sh*t together
and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest
you get your asses down to the mall before everything
is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
