ALCOHOL and FDA

[John Corn]

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees or lower back.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode